One Life
José Marques
Mother, you are so sweet
there is so much love in your eyes
and the future looks bright.
I think I love you.
Father, you are so strong
you fought to make others free
and they put you in jail.
I think I love you too.
Mother, why did you marry father?
He was a communist
always running from the police
and you wandered the country
with two young children in your arms
looking for a place to be safe.
Father left politics and took us far away –
a small step to France, and a long jump
to Australia, land of sheep and kangaroos.
What an adventurer father was!
But mother, you took your suffering with you
carried it in your heart
and it became a poison
that kept you from your children.
Father, I wished you had loved us
more than the freedom of Man
but you were a visionary and we also
became visionaries in our own way.
You died from exhaustion at the wheel of a car
working to sustain your family
and your countrymen, in a distant land.
Mother, I am glad I knew you
even if it was difficult to love you.
Grandmother, I loved returning to Portugal
and thinking of you, of the times we had together
travelling on rickety trams
crossing busy streets
and selling knick-knacks on the street corner.
I loved standing on top of the world
in the ramparts of Marvão
where we spent our holidays with you.
You were not nice to my mother
(your daughter-in-law)
and contributed to her suffering
but I was too young to know.
Grandfather, I loved the garden
that you planted, its coolness
and the fresh smell of earth and vegetables.
I loved being silent with you
eating pork sausage and bread.
Grandfather, why did mother turn out so?
Australia, for thirty-eight years
you were my home.
I loved the opportunities you gave me:
lawyer, civil servant, football player
actor, teacher, writer.
I loved the wide-open spaces
the woman that you gave me
and the child that was born to me
but I never really loved you –
the moistness in my heart
in your dry land did not blossom.
I sought solace in spirituality
but not finding God, found
the woman of my dreams.
Through tears and pain, and faith
in ourselves and each other
we restarted our lives
found love and a life together
and created a miracle:
our daughter Isabel.
Son, you are not forgotten.
You were born of a mismatch
between two lost souls
and it took a long time and many trials
but we came to walk side by side.
I could have been a better father
I am sorry.
But I am glad that my daughter
has you as her brother.
Portugal, you are so frustrating
with your bureaucracies
your lack of ambition and discipline
but the sun shines brightly
the ocean breeze is cooling
and your people have generous hearts
and love children.
Here I think, I will live out my life –
my ashes are to be scattered
over the walls of Marvão.
José Marques